Man and Woman Get Divorced

In today’s earth-shattering news, a man and a woman have decided to end their marriage. Yes, you heard that right: a married couple is splitting up. Shocking stuff, we know. Please take a moment to collect yourself before continuing to read this absolutely groundbreaking story.

The couple in question, who had been together for over two decades, issued a statement confirming what everyone already suspected: they’ve been living apart and now it’s official. They added the usual disclaimers about still caring for each other and wanting privacy, which, as we all know, is the divorce equivalent of “It’s not you, it’s me.”

But wait, there’s a twist (because every mundane tale needs one). The husband is currently embroiled in some legal drama involving finances. This investigation has led to all kinds of rumors about the pair, but it turns out the real headline is: "Marriage Ends Because People Are People." Imagine that.

Despite the ongoing drama, the soon-to-be exes seem to be handling the situation maturely, reportedly even still hanging out together. It’s almost as if they’re, I don’t know, two adults navigating the messiness of life. Scandalous, right?

For those keeping score at home, this particular union lasted over 20 years, which is a pretty good run in marriage years. But alas, not all partnerships are forever, and this one is now joining the ranks of “things that seemed like a good idea at the time.”

To conclude: a man and a woman are getting divorced. The world will, somehow, carry on.